Wednesday, November 21, 2018
Recent

Can sex classes help your relationship?

It seems to me that as soon as I knew what sex was, it became the elephant in the room. As a teenager, there was an air of mystery (and discomfort) as my friends started to lose their virginity and I was light years away from that milestone. As a young adult, more than one potential relationship died due to my prudish outlook on the matter. And when I finally did meet my now-husband at 21, I made him wait an impossibly long time (eight months seemed like forever, anyway).

Whether it was the way I was raised, my high standards for a partner, or plain old fear, I’ll never know, but as a result, my husband is my one and only.

Fast-forward a decade: We’re in our mid-thirties, we’ve been married five years and we have a two-year-old son (so we must have done something right). But one night a few months ago I was lying in bed, little spoon to my husband’s big spoon, listening to him snore softly, and I counted the number of times we’d made love in the previous year. The tally was measly, and I sadly realized that we were becoming the stereotypical married couple who never gets busy because they’re washing dishes, making lunches, doing laundry, answering emails and reading bedtime stories. The thought of life continuing on like this—obligatory sex once in a while—depressed me, and I vowed then and there to do something about it.

I’ve never been particularly proficient in the boudoir. All of the tricks I knew I learned from my girlfriends at sleepovers in high school, and the banana demonstrations weren’t going to cut it until death do us part. While my husband would never, ever complain—I married a true gentleman, who always makes me feel beautiful and comfortable—I knew that possessing the power to, well, blow his mind would add a much-needed spark to our bedroom dynamic.

So, I enrolled in sex school—a three-hour workshop with a registered sex therapist called “How to Drive Your Man Wild with Pleasure” at a local sexual health shop. It promised to arm participants with new positions and various tricks for improving the sexual experience. I was flushed crimson from the moment I woke up that morning until I walked into the room, running late, to the instructor demonstrating a striptease. I laughed nervously and tried to blend into the walls.

But as the seminar continued, and I watched the teacher point out the sensitive parts of the male anatomy on a silicone model, sort through a box of sex toys like it was the cutlery drawer, and instruct women to “dab their own essence on their pressure points” to entice their partners (I’m not kidding, and, no, I haven’t tried it), I started to get excited, for lack of a better term, about taking my secret lessons home to the hubs.

The next night, things started off as they normally do, until I threw a newly-learned curveball. Two nights later, the same thing. Here we are, four months post-class, and occasional, boring sex is a thing of the past. That elephant I mentioned still sticks her trunk into the room from time to time, but I’ve learned to banish her as quickly as she arrives by consulting the photocopied booklet from class I keep under our bed (it’s getting a little dog-eared). I’m considering going back to take level two—but then we may never do housework again.

Read More
Recent

Sex Education for Married Couples: How to Keep the Spark Alive

If you’re looking to learn sex education for married couples, here’s a quick primer on marital intimacy and how to keep desire strong for your ENTIRE married life. This education will help you whether you’re engaged and looking to learn a bit more about what sex is going to be like once you’re married, or if you’re currently married and you just feel like you and your partner’s desire for each other is waxing and waning and you’re having sex less and less often.

Marriage has changed over the course of history. We used to marry not for love but more for strategic gain. When we were choosing a partner, we wanted a good provider, a stable and strong homemaker, a strategic match.

Nowadays, we still want someone strong, stable, providing for our needs AND we want a passionate lover, a best friend, someone to complete us, we want it all! As author and sex therapist Ester Perel says, “We measure our self worth through love and relationships. Think about it! When someone picks you- you feel great. You feel like you are finally someone that is attractive, desirable, and good enough. This level of expectation that people bring to relationships (our entire sense of self worth!) is unprecedented and we can crumble under the weight of those expectations. We’ve created something (marriage) where we ask 1 person to give us what an entire village used to provide!”

If you feel like your partner no longer desires you intimately, know this:

The first step in sex education for married couples is to understand how marriage comes with many expectations. As we mentioned before, now that the institution of marriage is not only for stability and for providing financial sustenance; rather, it is for love, fulfillment, and personal satisfaction, our sense of self worth is directly tied to marriage and THAT inherently can set us up for failure.

The second step in sex education for married couples is to know that you picked your partner out of all the others, even those that you were strongly attracted to in your younger days, because something about your spouse told you that he/she was someone you could really settle down with and build a stable life together. She/he would make a great caretaker.

The problem is, that in all of the care-taking that comes along with marriage, we sometimes lose the curiosity that we have for each other because our spouse has become more like a caretaker rather than our passionate lover.

How do we know this to be true? Society has taught us that you should know it all if you live together. The longer we are married to someone, the more we should “know” them. Think of the Newlywed game. It’s almost unthinkable if we just don’t know everything about each other. So we just get used to each other and lose that sense of curiosity.

How can you get curious again? It’s usually when the burden of care-taking is removed. Think about when you saw your spouse’s face light up with passion- was he at work? was she giving a presentation?

The solution to this is that you keep up the curiosity. When life at home becomes too routine you do something about it!

Commit to paying attention to your partner and getting curious about them. Tell them how much you miss connecting with them. Make a committed and concerted effort to make love. Good lovers are not born they are made. Let life still bring you surprises and know that you haven’t exhausted it all with your partner. Practice good self care. Allow yourself to have your own private fantasies if it helps you to feel like a sexual being again-irrespective of your partner’s advances or lack of advances with you.

Bring back that creativity, imagination, curiosity, and novelty that you used to feel for your spouse and make it alive again. Don’t be ashamed that you want to feel fulfilled intimately. Own the fact that you want passionate intimacy.

And if you’re experiencing problems with your own body and your self image, practice some good self care so you can learn to love yourself and feel desirable.

Read More
Recent

Why Talking About Your Sex Life With Friends Is So Important, Because Sexuality Shouldn’t Be Shameful

Aren’t you embarrassed?” “You’re so brave.” “I didn’t need to know that.” “TMI.” If I had a dollar every time someone told me one of those things, I’d be talking about sex even more than I already do — because it’s bound to elicit one of these reactions. And after hearing them again and again, I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re really about the other person’s insecurities. There’s nothing rude or unpleasant discussing about sex, and in fact, we should be discussing it more.

As a sex writer, I’ve become my friends’ go-to person for sex questions. And it never ceases to amaze me how little all of us know. I’ve met women in their 20s who didn’t know where their clitoris was. I’ve talked with friends about sexual phenomena that were so little-discussed, we thought we were the only ones to experience them. There wasn’t even any information online about the vaginal contractions you sometimes have before orgasm until I talked about it with my friend, discovered I wasn’t the only one who had them, and wrote an article about it so other people knew, too.

“I think talking about sex with your friends can help normalize interests and behaviors and it can also spark your imagination,” Sarah Watson, licensed professional counselor and sex therapist, tells Bustle. “Friends can encourage you to try new things and expand your horizons. In my experience most people aren’t educated on how to talk about sex so starting with your friends in a loving and safe environment can be very helpful!”

These conversations are crucial if we want to increase our understanding of our sex lives, our relationships, and our health. Information, after all, is a good thing, and I don’t see how there could be too much of it. Here’s why I won’t stop talking about my sex life, no matter how grossed out people act.

1. Because Sex Ed Doesn’t Do Enough

If we don’t talk about sex, the bulk of our knowledge about it will come from either sex ed, which teaches most of us very little, or mainstream porn, which teaches us horribly inaccurate things. If we have no alternative source of information, we might go around believing that masturbation is wrong and that people with vaginas should orgasm through intercourse. The more we talk about sex, the more myths we can bust and the more accurate information we can bring to light.

2. Because I’m Tired Of Everyone Feeling Abnormal

I used to think I was abnormal for masturbating as a teenager. Then, I confessed to this habit during a “truth or dare” game when the “truth” was “what’s your biggest secret?” and my friend said, “me too.” Later in life, I was ashamed of not orgasming with my partners. When I finally told one of my friends, he said, “welcome to the why-haven’t-I-come-yet club.” I imagine I’m not the only one who’s gotten tremendous relief from learning others shared my sexual proclivities and insecurities. If we don’t talk about these things, we’ll never get that reassurance, and we’ll keep feeling abnormal when we’re really not.

3. Because Sexuality Shouldn’t Be Shameful

When we tell people not to talk about sex, we often imply that sex is disgusting, wrong, or embarrassing. And that implication can be dangerous. It can lead people to be ashamed of their bodies, closed off with their partners, and at war with their sex drives. When we teach people their sexuality is bad, we send the message that they’re bad — because their sexuality is a big part of them. I want people to know their sex lives are OK to talk about, because their sex lives are OK, period.

4. Because It’s Good For Your Sex Life

One of the best parts of talking about your sex life is comparing notes. Instead of relying only on your own experimentation, why not add others’ tried-and-true tricks to your growing database of sex moves? I’ve learned way faster knowing what works for my friends that I would’ve figuring everything out on my own.

5. Because It’s FASCINATING

The same way I’m curious about outer space or art or neuroscience, I’m curious about sex. OK, maybe not quite the same way, because learning about distant galaxies won’t exactly make me wet. But seriously, sexology is a fascinating field! Did you know there’s a whole hidden part to the clitoris? Or that slugs have sex while hanging from threads in the air? There’s a whole world of knowledge we’re missing out on if we can’t discuss anything sexual.

Look — if you specifically request that I don’t talk about sex with you, I won’t talk about sex with you. But I will go find someone else to talk about sex with. Sex is just way too fun, informative, and important a topic to stay silent about. And silence on the subject hasn’t gotten us very far.

Read More
Recent

5 Things We Weren’t Taught In Sex Ed That Are Super Important

“Don’t have sex in the missionary position, don’t have sex standing up, just don’t do it, OK?”

This probably sounds pretty familiar, and not just because it’s what Coach Carr from Mean Girls said in that sex ed scene. If you’re unlucky enough to have gone to a conservative school, chances are sex ed consisted of urging students to remain abstinent until they were old enough for the classic 2.5 kids and house with a white picket fence.

Rather than giving us the 4.0 they barely scratched the surface, because apparently our minds couldn’t handle the complexities of navigating safe sex.

Even if sex ed at your school was alright, there’s probably a bunch of things they didn’t cover like how it’s uncool to slut-shame and why consent is an absolute necessity.

So without further ado, here’s a belated lesson in sex ed.

If You Don’t Pee After Sex, You Risk Getting A UTI

If you’re a woman that’s sexually active, this is one of those things that you need to know. Otherwise you’ll end up convinced that you’ve contracted a STI when really a set of antibiotics will easily fix this common sex-induced dilemma.

Seeing as UTIs are one of the main reasons that women visit their GP, its bloody insanity that health teachers often avoid this subject. Urinary tract infections are actually the second most common type of infection in the bodyresulting in about 8.1 million visits to health care providers each year in the US – and they sting like Satan’s own homemade vinegar.

Amy Schumer put it perfectly when she joked, “I just got my first UTI at 33… and nobody tells you how embarrassing it’s gonna be.”

Amen sister.

Consent Is The Most Important Thing

I don’t even remember being taught the importance of consent before having sex. In my high school sex ed. lessons, there were no discussions about how coercion, being overly intoxicated or having sex with someone who is underage means that they cannot consent.

No means no, period.

Yeast Infections Are Really Common In Women

Yeast infections are another horrific beast. However, they’re also very common and can be fixed by visiting a chemist and telling them what’s up.

Something that all ladies should’ve been taught is not to use soap down there and to just rinse with water, because otherwise that itchy infection will set out to inconvenience you.

Watching Porn Does Not Mean You Know Sex

Porn is a performance; the aesthetic and soundtrack of porn are in no way the norm. So please don’t base your expectations of sex on porn. Sex can be sweaty, a bit awkward and way more emotional than the fast-paced sprint that porn represents. Embrace it!

Not To Slut Shame

If health teachers explained slut-shaming, maybe people wouldn’t give Kim K such a bad rap for that sex tape, despite it being released nearly 10 years ago and also being none of yo’ damn business.

While none of these things were touched on in my sex ed class, we did have a contest to see what team could roll a condom on a chair leg the fastest. Suffice to say, sex education lessons need some reworking in our high schools.

 

Read More
Recent

Why is information about sex important to all?

We all know that what the importance of sex in our life is. According to the research, only 34% of young people around the world have proper knowledge about sex and sex-related issues. Always think in your mind that knowledge about sex is the best source to avoid mistakes. From the young age people made the image of the sexual environment in their life. Knowledge is not a bad thing but to misuse always shows negative results. If you are willing to know and want to gain better knowledge, then you must follow R’ sex blog. They give you right path accordingly.

Some are the following points which you muster consider while having sex

  • For a better life: There is no denying the fact that sex gives us a better life. Better life refers to the word from a smooth running life. It shows that we are enjoying sex life as the best experience of our life. This makes us necessary because we all want comfort life with our partner.

  • To avoid mistakes: Sex education plays a very important role in our life because most of the time lack of knowledge can cause many hazardous mistakes which can easily affect our life. No a day’s people are becoming more conscious about sex. They want proper guidance before being practical. Always make sure that willingness of sex I goo but to misguide is made bad for our life.

  • To make better experience: Sex always gives you a better experience. Somehow if we have not so much knowledge then most of the time it gives an unfortunate experience. Almost every couple is being attached with a sexual partner as their desires make them very crucial to establish a new life in their sense.

  • For inner satisfaction: The fact is that all we want comfort from our lives. Need satisfaction is essential as it provides positive results in every work. They offer a better experience and give a right path to our survival. According to the survey if a person efficiently wants a sex life, then they must prefer doctor advice as it is one of the priorities of life.

  • The way of life: After creating strong relationships with your sex partner it will surely be said that it provides a better idea of your life. Most of the time is using such element which may effect.

Preferences

  • Websites and blogs: If a person is willing to gain satisfaction and need proper information about sex then he/she must prefer R’ sex blog. They are responsible for an individual to give necessary information and guidance at the best level.
  • Expert advice: We must prefer an expert’s opinion and make sure that to implement such information in your life in a better way and must consider your output effectively and efficiently.

Conclusion

Here we can follow the beneficial R’ sex blog. It will be very useful to us to gain such knowledge which will make you perfect in sex.

Read More
Back To Top